Something To Prove

Before the start of CSB (27th March 2007), there were remarks full of sarcasm from my superiors. These remarks would have dampen my morale and spirit, because they were packed with such venomous insults and condemnation. But because when I thought of how much pain and suffering I have gone through to gradually build back my confidence and belief, my burning desire from within simply scorched every single spear that was thrown at me. There was a punch of fury and hatred inside me...

There were never any words of encouragement from them, only words with toxicity. I never once approached them and hope for any encouragement because I have already known what kind of leaders they are. I guess shutting my mouth up did not help to prevent them from coming up to me with their bosh . People say 'silence is golden' but they just can't seem to shut their mouths even if they don't want to give any neutral or positive remarks.

I swore to myself that I have to pull through this 32km route march no matter what happens. It was a moment of madness - pure inferno. Every step I took, there would be an acute sharp pain on my lower back. But every step I made, I plunged my foot down with astounding courage. Throughout the long and rigorous march, those hurting remarks were ringing in my head constantly. I was in an ugly battle, physically bearing the acute pain and psychologically crushing off those haunting remarks.

I finally made it to the parade square... There, I stood strong and held my head high with dignity. The desire burning insanely from within my soul still had not die down. I looked up into the clear blue sky and stared hard into the piercing sun. I could see the victorious ray of light shining onto me. The CSB badge was presented.

Honestly, I did not know how I did it. At some point of time during the march, I could remember how hard I clenched my teeth and trembled while I was fighting the acute pain on my lower back every single step I took. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I reminisce over it. Receiving the CSB badge does not quite matter to me, but it was the bold accomplishment against all odds. I knew I have had something to prove, and I am more than glad to attain this sweet victory through courage and self-belief.